SOURCE - WHERE STARS ARE BORN

source
BRON

pen on paper
2019 - 354 x 500 mm

DETAILS :

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Usually when I start a new work, I go through a short phase of deep anxiety that this time it won't work. The empty page is like an abyss that is worse than threatening in its absolute indifference. I normally overcome this by putting some pencil lines on the paper and let myself be guided by these. This time not. I wanted an absolute kind of free-jazz improvisation. No boundaries. So I started drawing, but as you can see in the work-in-progress image below, the left-hand side was nearly full (not completed and certainly not finished) whilst the right-hand side was still empty. And doubt crept in. The typical doubt whether I would be able to keep this complex structure consciously active. Luckily, I managed to do so. If I hadn't been able to, the paper would have been torn to pieces and thrown away, just like many times before, and I would have been angry with myself for the defeat. Untill, perhaps already the same day, I'd start again.

When completed, I called this work NIGREDO because I found it corresponded with the first phase of creating the Philosophers' Stone in alchemy in a Jungian sense, which links it with the Dark Night of the Soul. But I changed my mind because, first, it really made me feel dark and despondent, and second, it would normally have to be the first in a series of works on the four phases, and I would have to create an Albedo, a Cintrinitas and a Rubedo also. Even coloured later on with watercolour, these latter three can hardly be created in pen with black ink. What's more, I didn't feel like a series. So I returned to my first idea, the idea I had whilst drawing, which is that this resembles to me how I imagine the inside, or hidden side of a source. People often say to stay close to the source, but I always wanted to know what happens on the other side, the inside, the side that is not visible to us.

But it was not finished yet. As my mood changed again from a rather pessimistic and bothering Gothic Black to the usual higher energetic wondering that had, unnoticed, gradually waned away, it suddenly dawned to me that a source is indeed also a place where water is born and starts its meandering life on earth. And this in turn led to the newer title you can find above. To be continued?

IN PROGRESS :

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